Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
TEST TAKER'S RESPONSE.
People hold conflicting views as to whether increasing the number of sports facilities have (has) the most important role to play in the progress (process) of improving public health. Personally speaking, although sports facilities are important for our fitness, other measures are also inalienable and should not be neglected.
Undoubtedly, sports facilities play an important role in our daily progress of keeping fit. As for children, those instruments can be regarded as a proper playground, where they are admitted to play games safely with their peers, which is proved to help them boost their immune system and do good to their mental health too. As for old people, many of whom suffer from physical problems, those facilities provide (a) platform for them to exercise, which is a significant remedy for some diseases, such as diabetes and obesity. Therefore, the government should financially support the program of increasing sports facilities and maintaining them regularly.
Some people argue that, however, increasing the number of sports instruments is inadequate to gain sound effect on improving public health. This is because that people face various health problems while just limited categories of facilities are equipped. For example, some citizens suffering from the pain of joint (joint pain) may be willing to do some gentle movements with customized facilities, while young people and athletes may ask for another type of instruments, which is more aggressive, to help them become stronger and more vigorous. It is just impossible to take everyone’s need into consideration merely through increasing the number of facilities. Consequently, other measures should be suggested.
In my opinion, sports facilities play an essential role in the improvement of public health, as well as (just like) other measures. While increasing the number of these facilities, the government should also pour (invest) money for (in) other activities, (facilities) such as medical research and public healthcare.
This is a well-developed response to the topic given though you still made some grammar errors. You need to be so mindful of the word choice. Wrong word choices can affect the intended meaning. There are some good sentence structures however, you need to use some more lexical resources.
The structure is standard for this kind of writing. You developed a good introduction, main body and conclusion. There is good cohesion. The transition between paragraphs is good. You also linked the ideas well in the paragraphs. The essay is well organized too.
The subject matter is relevant and shows good understanding of the topic. The introduction is good. Your stand about the topic is understood. You presented relevant views in the main body. You however needed to develop a better topic sentence at the beginning of the first main body paragraph. A good topic sentence should have the topic of discussion. “Undoubtedly, sports facilities play an important role in enhancing children’s immune system and mental health.” In this topic sentence, the main idea of “enhancing children’s immune system and mental health” is presented. It is thus you then explain and give an example. The first sentence of a main body paragraph is called a topic sentence because it must have the view to be discussed in that particular main body paragraph. The explanations and examples are good. The conclusion is well stated.
In all, the structure and subject matter are good but avoid the simple errors and develop better topic sentences for all main body paragraphs. You can do better than this.