TEST TAKER'S RESPONSE 1.

The bar chart compares the extent of education qualifications in Australia and the involved percentage of male and female in the year 1999. (The bar chart compares males and females with education qualifications in Australia in 1999.)

It is clear that skilled vocational diploma was by far the most popular choice for (highest qualification among ) men, while the figure for women reported the least share. Also, males seemed to gain higher degree than females over the data reported base on different post-school qualifications. (It is exhibited that more males gained higher education compared to females.)

Suffice to note, 90% of males chose to gain a skilled vocational diploma, whereas an extremely low rate was reported for their counterpart, as female (females,) (recorded) , at (Omit) the preposition)a mere 10%. Women contributed to 70% of achieving an undergraduate diploma, (70% females achieved an undergraduates diploma, ) while men were working hard on pursuing a postgraduate diploma, at a same 70%. (a similar percentage of the males who pursued a postgraduate diploma.) It is worth noticing that there were roughly 38% boys attending the undergraduate classroom when less girls continued further education to get a postgraduate diploma, (It is worth noticing that 38% males achieved an undergraduate diploma, a number higher than the females who attained a postgraduate diploma) with around (an) 8% drop, at just 30%.

Young female adults reported a bit higher proportion of gaining a bachelor's degree, at almost 55%, a (an) 8% more than the record of young male adults, with about 47%. However, men kept the (a)higher proportion with (of)holding a master's degree than (compared to) women, with the former at exactly 60% and the latter at only 40% respectively, a huge gap with (of)20% difference. COMMENTS. This response shows that you still have a challenge when it comes to sentence formation. You need to mind the idea connection in sentences if you are to develop better sentence structures. You should also mind the word choice. A wrong word can affect the intended meaning. Some errors show a lack of careful analysis of the data. For example, “It is worth noticing that there were roughly 38% boys attending the undergraduate classroom when less girls continued further education to get a postgraduate diploma,”. The chart is about post-school qualifications, not those still in school. Your sentence shows that they are still in school, that means they have not yet graduated. You need to use some more vocabulary too. The structure is good because you have an introduction and main body. However, the cohesion is affected by the grammar errors in some parts. The response is organized though. The subject matter should be better than this. The introduction hints on the data presented. The description needs to be more convincing in some parts. For example, you talked of boys still attending school instead of those who attained post-school qualification. You made some good comparisons. The extraction of the data is basically exhaustive. In all, the grammar errors are quite many and have affected the score. The structure is good but the description needs to be more convincing. You surely can do better than this.

TEST TAKER'S RESPONSE 2.