TOEFL INDEPENDENT WRITING.
Your professor is teaching a class on sociology. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response, you should do the following. ·Express and support your opinion. ·Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.
Doctor Achebe： Let's think about population trends in urban and rural areas (villages). Living in urban areas can be expensive; nonetheless, when they have a choice of where to live, people in some countries do not wish to live in rural areas even if the cost of living there is lower. If governments of some countries want to attract more people to live in rural areas or villages, what is the best strategy or approach that governments can use? Why?
Claire： I would live in a rural area if the government gave more financial help to farmers. Although it may cost very little to live in a rural area, it costs a lot to begin a career in agriculture. lf l had financial help, I would start my own farm and be happy to live in a rural area.
Kelly： In my country, urban centers are great places to live because you can access shops, restaurants, and museums. If the government of my country wanted to attract me to live in a rural area, the area would first have to attract more businesses focused on entertainment and culture than most rural areas have now.
Test Taker's Response.
Claire presents a compelling standpoint in favor of attracting more people to live in rural areas by giving financial (support). Admittedly, extra financial support is a (an) important reason why people choose to live in rural areas. However, considering long-term attraction, I am inclined to provide (providing) advantaged (Omit) jobs. For (From) my perspective, a good job is more attractive than short-term financial support. It only temporarily attract (attracts) people to come to villages and (yet) not make people live in villages (there). For example, people maybe come to villages because of financial support, but he also go (will leave) when his (their) job (jobs) do not make him (them) feel satisfaction (satsified). Therefore, I firmly believe that superior jobs is (are) the best strategy to appeal (to) people to live in rural areas.
Rater's Comments.
You show a good understanding of the task however, you still make so many grammar errors. You should review the use of articles. You can only use /a/ with words that start with consonant sounds and /an/ with words that start with vowel sounds. Note this pertains to sounds only, not letters. For example, the word 'university' takes /a/ because the sound of /u/ at the beginning is a consonant sound of /y/. The word 'honor' takes /an/ because the letter /h/ is silent and thus the word starts with a vowel sound of /o/. Hope my explanation is clear. You should also mind the conjunctions. The conjunction 'and' is used when both actions in the clauses before and after it are in agreement. If the clauses are not in agreement, especially the second clause, then use 'yet'. Mind the verb tenses and avoid poor diction. You should be so keen when reading through the essay.
The structure is good, you developed a good paragraph. The punctuation of the paragraph is good too. The cohesion is however affected by the grammar errors in some parts.
The subject matter is relevant in relation to the discussion topic in the task. You stated your stand in relation to what other discussants present. You have presented good and relevant views and have explained them well.
On the whole, it is important that you avoid the grammar errors and use more lexical resources in your response. The structure and subject matter are good.